Wo Xiang Ni

Don't get me wrong, I am so thankful for email, but after months of writing Bob, I just felt disconnected this week. There are only so many ways to say "I miss you" without sounding whiny. So, I looked up how to say I miss you in a variety of different languages. Something about compiling the list and reading through it immediately made me feel better and feel closer to Bob and to all those people in the world who are also missing their loved ones for whatever reason. Here is the list, starting with the one I already knew:

Mandarin
Wo xiang ni

Arabic
Eshatetelak

Iraqi
Wahashtook

Russian
Ya po tebe skuchau

Afgani
Delam barat tang shode

Iranian
Delam baraat tange

Japanese
Anata ga i naku te sabishii desu

Korean
Dangsin-ibogo sipseubnida

Malay
Saya rindu awak

Nepali
Maile tmilai miss gareko chu

Filipino
Miss kita

Sinhalese
El lique o latope

Thai
Chan khidthung thex

Urdu
Aaapki kami mehsoos hoti hai

Hindi
Muje tumhari yaadh aa rahi hai

Tamil
Nee illaamal thavikkiren

Telugu
Nenu nee premaku duramouthunnanu

Kannada
Ninna nenapu kaadtaa ide

Malayalam
Ninne nyan miss cheiyunnu

Punjabi
Mennu yaadan teriyaan aaondiyaan ne

Bengali
Ami tomake onek miss kori

Marathi
Malaa tujhi faar aathvan yete

Gujarati
Mein tane miss karti che

Assamese
Apu'nak MIss Ko'risu

Vietnamese
Toi nho ban

Persian
Delam barat tang shode

Indonesian
Aku rindu kamu

Uzbek
Man seni sogindim

Samoa
Oute alofa ia te o'e

Cambodian
Oun nirk bong

Azeri
Senin ucun darixiram

Hebrew
Ani Mitga'ahge'ah/at Eleha/ Ela'ih

Kurdish
Birt akam

Turkish
seni ozledim

Laos
Koey keud haut jow

Khmer
Kor-yom neck oun

Mangolian
Roland gadeyne

Dhivehi
Varah handhaanve

Tagalog
Nangungulila ako sa iyo
Swahili
Ninakukosa

Somali
Waan ku tabayaa

Afrikaans
Ek verlang jou

Kabyle
Hemleghk

Kisii
Nindakobore

Oromo
Hedduudhuman si yaade

German
Ich vermisse dich

French
Tu me manques

Italian
Mi manchi

Spanish
Te echo de menos

Galician
Sinto saudades de ti

Portuguese
Sinto saudades de voce

Romanian
Mi-e dor de tine

Dutch
Ik mis je

Swedish
Jag saknar dig

Danish
Jeg savner dig

Norwegian
Jeg savner deg

Polish
Tesknie za toba

Finnish
Mina kaipaan sinua

Greek
Mou leipeis

Hungarian
Hianyzol

Croatian
Nedostajes mi

Czech
Chybis mi

Bulgarian
Lipsvash mi

Slovak
Chybas mi

Slovenian
Pogresam te

Maltese
Inhoss in-nuqqas tieghek

Ukrainian
Ya po tebe skuchayu

Welsh
Rwy'n gweld dy eisiau di

Estonian
Ma igatsen sind

Albanian
Me mungon

Armenian
Yes karotelem kez

Irish
Airim uaim thu

Turkish
Seni ozledim

Macedonian
Mi nedostigas

Lithuanian
Ilgiuosi taves

Latvian
Man tevis pietrukst

Serbian
Uzeleo sam te se

Belarusian
Ya pa tabye sumuyu

Catalan
Et trobo a faltar

Icelandic
Eg sakna pin

Closing Doors

We’ve all heard the saying…”one door closes, another one opens.” It is usually said by some well meaning friend trying to soften the blow of one of life’s disappointments. What I’ve found, is that sometimes you have to close one door in order for another door to open. Something about too many doors being open at one time creates a draft, but I don’t think that is the point I’m trying to make. My point is that sometimes we are holding ourselves back and we need to let go of the old to let in the new.

For months after being laid off, I fervently pursued a position in my old profession. My desire was obviously to return to what I knew, but also to return to the salary I knew. I went on multiple interviews that seemed to go well, but after receiving no offers, I had to take a hard look at myself and my future. I had to realize that the Fates were guiding me in a new direction and I needed to listen. When I finally decided to stop moving in the old direction and start moving towards what I truly wanted and have wanted for years, a career in wellness, things started happening for me.

My biggest hurdle was my own fear of rejection and not feeling credible enough. But in the past few months, I went from saying “maybe” or “if” to “I am” and “when”. I finally started owning my future and started talking about my passions with confidence and belief in myself. Funny thing happened -- other people started to believe in me too. Now I can feel my positive energy radiating outward and that of others coming back at me from all angles. I had three interviews last week with incredible, like-minded fitness professionals and left feeling alive. What a sharp contrast to the feelings I got and gave off at the many Corporate America interviews.

I like to think it was Fate preventing me from getting those other jobs, but maybe subconsciously I sabotaged myself with an undercurrent of disinterest and disdain that the interviewers sensed. I went to one interview and was literally crying on the way there, contemplating the commute and the daily grind. Red flag? Hell yes! And to my credit, I did listen to those feelings and am now reaping the rewards of doing so. I closed the door to my past career and the door to my future opened.

Lessons from Eat Pray Love

I saw Eat Pray Love tonight. In the past, movies like this would upset me, making me feel inadequate, settled and overly nested. They would motivate me to action and encourage me to change. But not this time. This time, I am already moving. I am already changing. I am in true, passionate, soul mate love. This time, the movie just reinforced what I am already discovering. I didn't leave feeling the "shoulds" (I should do this or I should do that). I left saying, I am solid, loved and embracing the real me.

Two hours later, I'm still moved. The only other movie that left me with this churn in my stomach was Titanic. I haven't let out the emotion yet, but I can feel the tears coming. There are many lessons in the movie, which I'm still digesting. Here are just a few...

"You don't need a man, you need a champion."
How true. Any guy can fill your bed, but every woman needs a man who has her back. A man who will protect her, even if she doesn't need protecting. I am so thankful that I found mine.

Eat and don't feel guilty.
Ugh, this one I still struggle with.

Until you are solid alone, you can't be solid partnered.
A woman needs to be able to be alone, before she can be together. If you can't go to the movies alone without feeling self conscious, you should consider being single for a while. This is why all us idiots who got married in our twenties often question our decision...because we had no flippin' clue about who we were in our twenties and we certainly weren't solid alone.

Everyone needs a good pair of aviator sunglasses
Julia Roberts exudes positive energy and organic hotness, all the way down to her aviators. Is it the sunglasses or the internal peace? I'm thinking the latter.

Leap and cross over.
I'm leaping. I'm taking chances and they are paying off. I have given my heart to someone, knowing it is safe and I have no fear of losing myself. New experiences are on the horizon and I am not afraid.

And to any critics who didn't love the movie...they are either too young to understand or too old and set in their ways. For all of us balancing our thirties, you'll love this movie and you'll be inspired.

A Quick Exercise in Gratitude

I had lunch with a great friend yesterday and our conversation turned to thankfulness. It reminded me of a quick exercise I try to do every now and then, especially when I feel myself being overly negative.

Just make a list of A to Z and fill in what you are thankful for. The key is to move quickly and not over think it. Here is my list for today:

A – Apples (Apple season is coming! I love the Fall)
B – Bob
C – Calling (Feeling like I am finding my calling and going after it is invigorating)
D – Drinking Wine (having red wine at Blue Ridge on Saturday was wonderfully peaceful and soothing)
E – Eggbeaters (simple, easy, healthy)
F – Football season (means Bob will be home in a few months)
G – Gmail (my main communication connection to my sweetie)
H – Hazel (my new kitty is a blessing - loving, affectionate and adorable)
I – Institute for Integrative Nutrition (my new school started last week and I already can tell that I'm in the right place)
J – Jif crunch peanut butter (only thing better is almond butter, which I cannot keep in the house)
K – The King (Bob, again)
L – Love (Bob, again)
M – My Man (Bob, again…seeing a pattern? Perhaps…and yes, absence at least makes the heart grow crazier)
N – Nuts (crunchy good fat, keeps me from feeling deprived)
O – Oxygen magazine (a great magazine for healthy, strong women)
P – Panera (free wireless)
Q – Quiet (5am rocks sometimes)
R – Rubes
S – Summer (love the heat and being warm, not having to bundle up and freeze or shovel. This one is particularly important because all summer I’ve just waiting for it to be over, to signal the ½ way point in Bob’s deployment. This type of thinking goes completely against my own attempts and yoga’s teachings to just live in the moment. So, I need to be thankful for and remember all the goodness in Summer while it is here because before I know it, I’ll be cold again)
T – Telephone (allows for long talks with my Mom, and also another connection to Bob. Boy how we take this now simple technology for granted.)
U – Underway (this period with Bob underway is so important to his career, health and well being. It is also providing for our family)
V – Vagina (okay, sorry if any guys actually read my blog, but this is not a naughty word...plus, V words are a little challenging to come up with. And I am thankful for the healthy relationship I have with mine)
W – Wine (love a glass, or two or three, of good red or white)
X – Ex (glad we put Ruby first and that there hasn’t been much drama lately)
Y – yoga (thrilled that I’ve come back to yoga)
Z – Zeal (what a blessing to feel enthusiasm for my new career path. I feel alive and invigorated)

Studies show that those who practice gratitude tend to be happier. I know after my A-Z exercise, I feel better and more positive already.

Acknowledge Me, Please

Rubes and I took the pups for a walk tonight. As we strolled, a jogger approached. She was about my age, headphones on and "in her zone" I suspect. Without a smile, eye contact or a simple hello, she ran by. I shook my head and sighed. That kind of behavior just boggles my mind. She obviously saw us and had to realize that we saw her. Yet, she didn't make even the slightest effort to acknowledge us, or more fundamentally, to connect with other human beings. Even dogs sniff each other or bark when passing.

I've vented about this before in my Facebook status. At AOL, there was this long corridor between buildings. It always amazed me how many times people would pass by like zombies. So often I felt like yelling out "I SEE YOU!" just to see what they would do.

When I go for a run, I make a point to say hello or at least wave at people. I remember years ago, seeing a woman running who looked so miserable, I wondered why she was running at all. If it is that bad, go for a walk instead. The change in pace might allow that grimace to disappear. I don't particularly love running and certainly don't feel all that great doing it (usually feel great after it is over), but many times I will force a smile mid-run even if I don't feel like it. Amazingly, I start feeling less uncomfortable. And I especially make a point to say hello when running uphill and someone is coming down...no way I'm letting anyone think the hill got the best of me.

Seems to me that there are two types of people in the world -- those that emit energy and those that suck it up. The emitters, give off a positive vibe and pull you in. You feel good around them. They don't scowl, they smile. They connect with you, whether it is through their eyes, gestures or words. They certainly say hello when passing. I strive to be an emitter and that is who I want to be around. Heck, kind eyes are what first drew me to my husband.

As I venture out into my new wellness coaching business, it is critical that I am an emitter, able to draw folks in. I've seen my share of people in the fitness industry who really stink at this skill. At the gym, some of the personal trainers I see every day will walk by without a glance. I would never train with them...if you don't have the cojones to look me in the eye, there is no way I'm putting my faith in you. On the opposite end of the spectrum are those who make an effort, smile and say hello. Those are the ones I would work with.

So tonight, as the jogger passed by, I made a point to talk to Ruby about how it is important to make eye contact and acknowledge others. I explained how not only does it show confidence, but it also shows kindness and humanity. Later in our walk, a young boy rode by us on his bicycle. He said hello and Ruby looked up and said hello back. Lesson learned.

Flowing Again

If you haven't noticed, I've been struggling a little lately with blogging. The urge to write has been lacking and I'm not sure why. Maybe I haven't been moved or maybe I'm too busy, consumed with studying for my personal training certification exam at the end of this month. Part of it has to be that I exchange a lot of email with Bob throughout the day since it is our only mode of communication and connection. But truly, I think it is that I feel this need to make every post a complete essay or story, not just a quick commentary. Thankfully, my good friend Lara reminded me today of a core mantra for bloggers -- "perfect is the opposite of done." In that spirit...

I started this post last night as I watched So You Think You Can Dance. Just when I thought I had nothing to write about, a tribute to Denise Jefferson, director of the Alvin Ailey dance school who died recently of ovarian cancer, touched me. While watching this brief segment, I was struck with three strong thoughts: 1) Ms. Jefferson obviously loved what she did for a living, 2) she made a difference and 3) she was born in the same year as my Mother.

People who love their work inspire me. They have a glow about them, like they just know they are in the right place doing the right thing. It doesn't seem like work at all. I don't remember many of those types of people at AOL. Yeah, we all liked the money, but displays of true joy? Nope...none. The cynic in me says we can't all do what we love; there are bills to pay. But the new, balanced, laid off, inspired Koren says yes, we can. I am committed to no longer doing just what pays the bills, but doing what I love and making a living. I'm sure I'll have to compromise somewhere along the way, but it will be worth it.

It was also apparent that Ms. Jefferson impacted so many lives with her work. Not sure if it is the Aquarius in me or just an inner drive, but I have always wanted to make a difference. I want to help people and make their lives better. My career up to this point has failed miserably in this department and I am determined to change that. When I die, heck, even along the way, I want to know that I changed the world in some small way.

Lastly, hearing that someone my Mother's age died of ovarian cancer made me reflective and thankful. Ms. Jefferson was stunning; the kind of woman you imagine growing old and gray with grace. The kind of woman I want to be. Seeing her taken too soon was a reminder. I am blessed to have a wonderfully strong, amazing Mom as my role model, friend and sounding board. I don't tell her enough and I certainly don't thank the fates often enough for her continued good health. It is so easy to take it for granted until something happens. So, I said an extra "thank you" last night for me and my loved ones' continued wellness.

Crazy how a one-minute segment can get the words flowing...well, a one-minute segment and a gentle nudge from a good friend.

Reassessing 2010

Today marks the end of the first half of 2010. Amazingly, the year is already (or only) half over. I have experienced tremendous growth and change in these past six months...

• I've been laid off and looking for work for way longer than I expected to be.
• My husband deployed to the Gulf. We've been separated now for 40 days with 172 left to go.
  
• I changed course on school, abandoning the traditional path for one that feels so incredibly right.
• I've been working on starting my own business.
• I truly embraced clean eating and am loving the results.
• For the first time in my entire life, I am content with my body. No need to lose weight or change. Just trying to maintain the status quo, while enjoying good food and good company.
• I feel more connected with my friends and attribute much of my mental well-being to their presence and support.
• I've started blogging, albeit slacking in the month of June.
  

Tomorrow marks the start of the second half of 2010. What a great time to reassess my goals for the year and predict what the rest of 2010 bring...

• My husband will return home.
• I will continue writing more regularly. I may even take a writing class through NOVA.
  
• My new adventure with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition will begin in August.
• Robb begins his senior year at Stone Bridge, getting ready to leave the nest.
  
• I'll get my personal training certification and launch my wellness coaching business (more to come on this one).
• Alex will get her driver's license. Two teen drivers in one home may just put me over the edge.
  
• We'll likely be adding a new member in our family...a kitten. (More to come on this one, too!)