Cresting the Deployment Hump

To many of you, this image means nothing, but to me, this is the image I have been waiting for for the last 106 days. I knew if I could just make it to this day, I would make it through. Today marks the half way point on this deployment journey -- today is Hump Day.

When I go running and come to a hill, I increase speed and charge up it with my head down. I want it to be over as quickly as possible and don’t want to see how much more torture I have left. Once at the top, I take a deep breath and enjoy coasting down the other side. Unfortunately, with a deployment, there is no speeding up to end the misery early, but my philosophy remains the same -- keep my head down until I crest. Today, I am cresting. Ahhh, I like the view from up here. I can see the Fall, the kids’ return to school, my working again, holidays and best of all I can see my sweetie on the pier.

The first half of the deployment was definitely challenging for me. Summer’s lack of routine and structure made the time just crawl by. The silver lining? All that down time brought the kids and me closer. However, I think we have all had enough bonding time and are ready for school, work and busier lives.

If the first half was harder for me, the second half will surely be harder for Bob. Our three oldest kids have big milestone birthdays coming up -- Robb turns 18 next Saturday, Alex has her Sweet 16 in October and in November John turns 21. Add in Robb’s senior year of football, apple picking (and my amazing apple bread), Navy Football, Halloween trick or treating with Rubes and well, let’s just stop there because it is kind of depressing to think about all that Bob will miss out on this year. But every time I start feeling sorry for myself (or Bob), I think of all the soldiers in Afghanistan on 18 month tours and I feel lucky that Bob is only gone for seven months. In just 106 days, I’ll be snuggling on the couch with my husband getting ready for an extra special Christmas celebration. Let the downhill coasting begin.

Thoughts on Day 1

I am sad but relieved.  Now that Bob is gone, there is no more anticipation.  He is just gone and now I do what needs to be done.  It is like when you are told you need surgery…the days leading up to the surgery suck, but once you have the anesthesia, all is fine.  Numb, I feel numb.  Thus, this post is just a stream of consciousness.

As I wrote on Facebook earlier today, the deployment needed to begin so that I could start focusing on the end.  Now, if only I knew when Bob would be returning.  Then we can start counting the days backward.  

Oh and back home in Ashburn, we’re off to a rockin’ start.  Little parking lot fender bender tonight by our teen driver.  Welcome to single parenting Koren!

The house was exceptionally quiet today.  All the kids are gone.  Ruby is at Dad’s and the teens are out.  John is working.  Much needed alone time for me to decompress.   I went to the gym at 6pm to distract myself from Bob’s absence.  Usually he would come home on Friday night and we would be snuggled on the couch, watching a movie while he rubbed my feet.  Need to get me one of those foot massager baths.   

Miraculously, my neck is better today, post-workout.  Was it just stress?

It hit me as I left the gym tonight that what I will miss most are the little things.  As I drove off, I had this urge to call Bob to let him know I was on my way home.  No joy.  And when the kids and I got home from Norfolk this afternoon, I had to unpack the car and carry the bags inside.  Bob treats me like a princess and I am spoiled. I’ll certainly appreciate it even more come December. 

I feel strong. Strong and numb. I am determined not to wallow.  I’m sure people will get tired of my sappy whining.  Heck, I’m already tired of it and I’m the one doing it. 

Lastly, I am so very thankful .  Partially for email, a gift from the heavens.  I had two emails waiting for me when I got home from the drive back.  How amazing is that?  In the good ole days, spouses wouldn’t hear from their deployed mates for weeks.  And I get an email within hours?  Lucky me.  But mostly, I am thankful for my incredible network of friends and family.  Support and love abound.  I am blessed.