Coming Together

It was late and I had just settled into bed to watch The Good Wife On Demand.  I heard a knock on my door and it was Robb, my middle stepson, wanting to talk about weight lifting supplements.  Honestly, I just wanted to turn off the light and go to bed, but I have learned one very valuable lesson in the last few years – you listen when teens want to talk.  Even if it is late and you are tired.  This is especially true with Robb, who isn’t quick to open up.  So, I paused my show and talked about carbs, protein and mass building (thankfully, a topic I like).  It only took ten minutes out of my day and I smiled knowing my family was finally coming together.

There was a time when I wondered if my version of the Brady Bunch would ever blend.  Many days included awkward silences, eye rolling (I still get that) and raised voices.  But in the last year, there is more laughter, smiles and late night chats.  This was no easy feat with all the different emotional hurdles we faced.  I am divorced and share custody of my seven year old daughter.  Bob is a widower with three teens.  When we met they were 11, 13 and 16.  I almost ran screaming for the hills, but Alex (the youngest) welcomed me with open arms.  She is so intuitive for a young girl.  I feared her potential Daddy issues would become a wedge between Bob and me, but amazingly she didn’t have any.

This year I have noticed a major shift in our family dynamic, for the better.  I can’t put my finger on what made the difference.  When Bob told me he would be geobatching (serving Monday through Friday in Norfolk, coming home on weekends), I’m not sure who was more terrified – me or the kids.  But truly, I’ve never felt more happy about my connection with my stepchildren.  Maybe having Bob away forced the kids and I to address issues head on.  Or maybe it was bringing John back into the house.  Originally, I thought it would push me over the edge, but then I saw the sense of wholeness that it gave Alex and Robb, resulting in an even stronger feeling of family.  Or maybe it was Bob and I getting married last May.  Everyone knows we’re stuck together now.  Well, whatever it was/is, I’m thankful.    

It really hit me a few weeks ago when the whole clan piled into the Sequoia and went to visit the Georgetown Campus.  We strolled, chatted and laughed.  No tension.  What a relief!  And just last night, I sat with Rubes, Al and John playing Clue while Bob made dinner and Robb studied nearby.

When Bob and I first started dating, I bought a ton of books on stepparenting.  One said it would take four years for our blended family to feel like, well, a family.  Four years?  That seemed like an eternity!  But the days have passed fairly quickly (some more quickly than others) and we are definitely coming out the other side.