Thoughts on Day 1

I am sad but relieved.  Now that Bob is gone, there is no more anticipation.  He is just gone and now I do what needs to be done.  It is like when you are told you need surgery…the days leading up to the surgery suck, but once you have the anesthesia, all is fine.  Numb, I feel numb.  Thus, this post is just a stream of consciousness.

As I wrote on Facebook earlier today, the deployment needed to begin so that I could start focusing on the end.  Now, if only I knew when Bob would be returning.  Then we can start counting the days backward.  

Oh and back home in Ashburn, we’re off to a rockin’ start.  Little parking lot fender bender tonight by our teen driver.  Welcome to single parenting Koren!

The house was exceptionally quiet today.  All the kids are gone.  Ruby is at Dad’s and the teens are out.  John is working.  Much needed alone time for me to decompress.   I went to the gym at 6pm to distract myself from Bob’s absence.  Usually he would come home on Friday night and we would be snuggled on the couch, watching a movie while he rubbed my feet.  Need to get me one of those foot massager baths.   

Miraculously, my neck is better today, post-workout.  Was it just stress?

It hit me as I left the gym tonight that what I will miss most are the little things.  As I drove off, I had this urge to call Bob to let him know I was on my way home.  No joy.  And when the kids and I got home from Norfolk this afternoon, I had to unpack the car and carry the bags inside.  Bob treats me like a princess and I am spoiled. I’ll certainly appreciate it even more come December. 

I feel strong. Strong and numb. I am determined not to wallow.  I’m sure people will get tired of my sappy whining.  Heck, I’m already tired of it and I’m the one doing it. 

Lastly, I am so very thankful .  Partially for email, a gift from the heavens.  I had two emails waiting for me when I got home from the drive back.  How amazing is that?  In the good ole days, spouses wouldn’t hear from their deployed mates for weeks.  And I get an email within hours?  Lucky me.  But mostly, I am thankful for my incredible network of friends and family.  Support and love abound.  I am blessed.