Flowing Again

If you haven't noticed, I've been struggling a little lately with blogging. The urge to write has been lacking and I'm not sure why. Maybe I haven't been moved or maybe I'm too busy, consumed with studying for my personal training certification exam at the end of this month. Part of it has to be that I exchange a lot of email with Bob throughout the day since it is our only mode of communication and connection. But truly, I think it is that I feel this need to make every post a complete essay or story, not just a quick commentary. Thankfully, my good friend Lara reminded me today of a core mantra for bloggers -- "perfect is the opposite of done." In that spirit...

I started this post last night as I watched So You Think You Can Dance. Just when I thought I had nothing to write about, a tribute to Denise Jefferson, director of the Alvin Ailey dance school who died recently of ovarian cancer, touched me. While watching this brief segment, I was struck with three strong thoughts: 1) Ms. Jefferson obviously loved what she did for a living, 2) she made a difference and 3) she was born in the same year as my Mother.

People who love their work inspire me. They have a glow about them, like they just know they are in the right place doing the right thing. It doesn't seem like work at all. I don't remember many of those types of people at AOL. Yeah, we all liked the money, but displays of true joy? Nope...none. The cynic in me says we can't all do what we love; there are bills to pay. But the new, balanced, laid off, inspired Koren says yes, we can. I am committed to no longer doing just what pays the bills, but doing what I love and making a living. I'm sure I'll have to compromise somewhere along the way, but it will be worth it.

It was also apparent that Ms. Jefferson impacted so many lives with her work. Not sure if it is the Aquarius in me or just an inner drive, but I have always wanted to make a difference. I want to help people and make their lives better. My career up to this point has failed miserably in this department and I am determined to change that. When I die, heck, even along the way, I want to know that I changed the world in some small way.

Lastly, hearing that someone my Mother's age died of ovarian cancer made me reflective and thankful. Ms. Jefferson was stunning; the kind of woman you imagine growing old and gray with grace. The kind of woman I want to be. Seeing her taken too soon was a reminder. I am blessed to have a wonderfully strong, amazing Mom as my role model, friend and sounding board. I don't tell her enough and I certainly don't thank the fates often enough for her continued good health. It is so easy to take it for granted until something happens. So, I said an extra "thank you" last night for me and my loved ones' continued wellness.

Crazy how a one-minute segment can get the words flowing...well, a one-minute segment and a gentle nudge from a good friend.