Filling Buckets While Driving

My Mom always taught me to drive defensively.  I interpreted that as assume everyone else on the road is going to do something stupid.  Assume they will not slow down, stop or let you merge.  Admittedly, this is a pessimistic way to view it, but it has kept me relatively free of accidents (knock wood).  As two teens in my house are about to start driving, I have already started parroting my Mother.  The other mantra I drill into them is simply to be nice to other drivers.  Don't be "that guy."

The other day, I was headed to Target for something very important (ok, I was just looking for a cute new top to wear that night).  I was trying to get into the turn lane, which depended on a bit of fancy maneuvering and the kindness of my fellow drivers to let me over.  Hopefully, I accelerated with my signal on, thinking someone would let me in.  But what did I get? A big jerk who sped up, wouldn't let me in and flipped me off.  Nice. 

Come to find out, the "big jerk" was a girl, maybe 20 or 25 years old.  Young and in the prime of her life -- what caused such anger, hostility and bitterness?  The 2 seconds it would have cost her to let me in, would have been rewarded with good karma and a big thank you wave.  Instead, she chose to empty my bucket.

The concept of bucket emptying and filling comes from a book I often read to my daughter, Have You Filled a Bucket Today: A Guide to Daily Happiness for Kids .  The book says that everyone has an emotional bucket that needs filling. By doing something nice for someone, you fill their bucket (and yours). By doing something nasty (like flipping them off) you empty their bucket.

Sadly, most of the drivers I encounter don't do much bucket filling.  Maybe it is me..or maybe it is just our society -- rushed, me-first and rude.  At what point did we become so negative and mean that we are just openly hostile to people we don't know?  I think email and texting have something to do with it.  Through these detached forms of communication, we don't have to truly interact.  It is easy -- too easy-- to be curt and mean in email, removed from the pain it might cause the other person.  Texts are random, quick thoughts that require very little sensitivity or eloquence.  And sometimes, we are just so caught up in our own moment, issues and priorities, that we don't think about how our actions impact or are perceived by others.

I'll admit it, in my twenties I may have been like the bucket-emptying flipper offer.  Then, one day at Union Station, I had a life-changing experience.  Tired and irritable, I was trying to get on an escalator.  Some teen girls were messing around, blocking the way, laughing and giggling.  I gave a big "humph" and scowled.  One of the girls said to her friends "hey, let this mean lady pass."  Oh Lord, they were referring to me.  To these girls, I was "that guy."  Nasty and intolerant.  The one people feel sorry for because he/she is so angry at the world. Since that day, I've tried to be nicer and more tolerant.  Tried to smile and realize that others are not out to get me and ruin my day.  Yes, I slip up, occasionally groan, even growl...but I try.  I try  to be nice.  And when another driver is trying to get over, I let them in.   

Have you filled a bucket today?