Job "Loss"

I didn't lose my job. Saying I lost it makes me sound responsible for its disappearance. Sadly, I had very little to do with my being cut. My performance reviews have always been stellar. No, this was a financial decision wrought with political angling and corporate chess play. Thankfully, I am mature enough to realize that businesses makes most decisions based on the bottom line, but that doesn't take any of the sting out it.

On January 12, after ten years of service, I was informed that as of February 26, I would no longer have a position at my company. I am grateful to my boss who secured those extra six weeks, unlike most of my 1,500 colleagues who were also laid off but had to leave that day with their belongings and just four weeks of severance. A good friend of mine who had no clue that her job was in jeopardy had worked for the company for over twelve years. She got an email that morning and by 2pm, she was no longer an employee. Boy, working in corporate America can be rough.

I wasn't completely shocked when I heard I was being laid off. I knew the odds weren't good -- 1 in 3 employees would be cut. I had even been hit before - same company, in 2008 - so I thought maybe lightening wouldn't strike twice. I was wrong and at the end of this month, I will be joining the 15 million other Americans without jobs.

Even though I didn't really love my job, I have mixed feelings about losing it. I am well paid and eliminating my income, especially with four children, is terrifying. But more than the financial implications, it was my realization that I was deemed unnecessary and not valuable enough to retain. Like I was trash that the company left on the curb. Don't they know how smart I am? Don't they know of my incredible talent?

Losing your job is an assault to the ego. Having people look at you with pity. Packing up your personal photographs and papers. Security guards roaming, as if you were a criminal. Walking out with all your belongings in a box.

And talk about a balance killer. My typical calm, steady emotional state is all over the map. My days are random and unstructured. I'm sure there is a life lesson in here somewhere and I look forward to figuring out what the heck it was after I've replaced my income and am comfortably back in a routine.